i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
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I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
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My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So apparently I’m into choking now
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