That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
