yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
