dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
