Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
