This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
