somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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