get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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