i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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