I faked an abortion last night.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
