i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
