Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize