I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
