if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
