I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
