My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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