it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
