Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
