Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
