My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
