I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
