Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
