it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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