Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
