I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
