Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
