brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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