I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
COCAINE IS GR8
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
