Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
