she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
