So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize