I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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