he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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