Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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