Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We're too hungover to prance.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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