i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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