p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
