I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
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Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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