Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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