Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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