I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Randomize
