there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
