hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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