I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
