i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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