I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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