You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
