just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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