I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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