The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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