how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize