What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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