I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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