a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
