im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
