He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
