Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
