you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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