I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
